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The Lord of the Rings Parody


(It does not have a name yet)

By John Briggs, ©John Briggs

Scene 1:

Frodo: I Frodo, son of Drogo wil-

Boromir: heh heh, his fathers name is DrogoÖ

Aragorn: You shouldnít be talking

Legolas: Neither shall you.

Aragorn: at least my name doesnít mean Greenleaf Greenleaf.

Legolas: I told you not to talk about that anymore!

Gimli: HA HA HA!! Stupid elf.

Elrond: Iíll stop this; all your names are stupid, Frodo continue

Frodo: As I was saying, I will take the ring to Mordor, though I do not know the way..

Boromir: thatís cause youíre a stupid head!

Aragorn: a stupid head?! Youíre a grown man!

Boromir: and youíre a stupid head too.

Aragorn: Just shut up Boromir, Iím the one thatís gonna be the king.

Gandalf: [whispers to Frodo] Heís on about the king thing again, the fifth time this week. What an ego.

Boromir: Why does he get to take the ring?! I want the ring itís so shiny!

Elrond: Just shut up Boromir!

Boromir: okÖ.

Gimli: [Giggles]

Legolas: Your giggling? [giggles]

Gimli: Your giggling too! Wait till I tell my friends

Legolas: youíre a butt-head

Elrond: Enough with the name-calling!

Legolas & Gimli: Sorry

Elrond: There shall be 9 companions; you will be the fellowship of the ring

Frodo: Helloooo, You havenít chosen anyone yet.

Elrond: Öthe fellowship of the ringÖ

Frodo: Hello? [Waves hand in front of Elrondís eyes. Heís not blinking]




Scene 2:

[The next Day]

Gandalf: Now we leave Frodo.

Frodo: But I havenít any companions.

Gandalf: Well I kinda chose for Elrond, he fell asleep saying ďthe fellowship of the ringĒ

Frodo: ÖÖ

Gandalf: I bet your wondering whom we chose to go with you.

Frodo: Oh yes

Gandalf: Well, I chose all those idiotic enough to go [points at everyone else], and Aragorn, since he owed me a favor.

Frodo: Oh, I see.

Gandalf: What?

Frodo: huh?

Gandalf: See what?

Frodo: [Rolls eyes] Never mind.

Aragorn: Let us depart!

Elrond: Öthe fellowship of the ringÖ

[Gimli hits Elrond, and Elrond faints]

Boromir: What a stupid head [looking at Elrond]

Aragorn: STOP SAYING THAT!

Boromir: Youíre a stupid head too

Aragorn: Thatís it; Iím not going to go to Minas Tirith with you.

Boromir: Thatís cause youíre a stupid head.

[Aragorn hits Boromir. Boromir starts crying]

Boromir: Iím telling my daddy

Aragorn: Your dad is only the steward IíM THE KING!! BWAHAHAHA!

Gandalf: Lets just go.

[They all walk off]



Scene 3:

Gandalf: Now that the mountain has defeated us we will risk the more dangerous path

Aragorn: We havenít been on cahadrhas yet

Gandalf: So?

Aragorn: Thatís a major part of the story

Gandalf: So?

Aragorn: Never mind.

Gandalf: So?

Aragorn: Uh, Iím not arguing with you any more.

Gandalf: So?

Aragorn: Is this what happened to Elrond?

Boromir: What new devilry is this? [In the background Gandalf is saying ďSo?Ē repeatedly]

Gandalf: You donít say that yet.

Boromir: You stupid head

Aragorn: STOOOOOOP!!!!!! [Stabs Boromir in the leg]

Boromir: OW! I got a booboo! [Runs around asking for someone to kiss his booboo]

Pippin: Second breakfast!

Everyone: Huh? [Everyone looks at pippin]

Pippin: I didnít have any lines yet.

Merry: Me too, I demand a Union!

Gandalf: First the elves, now the hobbits

Frodo: You already have a union Gandalf!

Sam: How can you have a union?

Gandalf: huh?

Sam: Well, unions donít exist.

Gandalf: So?

Sam: Never mind.

Frodo: Ok, lets just go into Moria

Merry: Sure

Gimli: I donít have any lines either!

Legolas: I want lines.

Aragorn: My only lines are shutting up Boromir

Legolas: Good point.

[The scene ends an-

Gimli: Wait!! I need to talk donít end it now

[They all walk of-

Gimli: Iím the only dwarf, the only one thatís smart

[Gandalf hits Gimli with some magic. Gimli shuts up]



Scene 4:

Aragorn: Hey could you do that magic gagging thing on Boromir

Gandalf: No

Aragorn: Wh-

Legolas: There he goes again taking all the lines

[Tentacle slips up grabs Frodo and pulls him above the water waving him]

Merry: Yeah, both of them shouldnít be able to talk

Frodo: Heeeelp!

Pippin: Itís always Aragorn, Aragorn, Aragorn.

Sam: Shouldnít we help Frodo?

Legolas: They take up to many of the lines lets gag them!

Sam: What about Frodo!?

[Sam smacks Legolas and grabs Aragornís sword. He kills the watcher in the water, saves Frodo, he carries Frodo to the gate and says ďMellonĒ and walks in, and everyone is gaping at him]

Gandalf: But how?

Legolas: Hey, Iím taking that line. But how?

Sam: Just shut up, youíre just moody because Gandalf broke your mirror, its not like you donít have 10 more

Legolas: Actually I have 12 more.

Boromir: Not anymore [takes one of Legolasí mirrors]

Legolas: AHHHHHH!!! NO!!!!

Aragorn: Just shut up you two!

Frodo: Canít we all get along?

Boromir: No.

Frodo: Oh, I see

Gandalf: What?

Frodo: Not againÖOk, damnit I see a 100 dead dwarves!

Gandalf: Oh, umÖ

Barliman: Hullo, want some beer?

Pippin: Sure

Merry: What are you doing here?

Barliman: I dunno, seems like a plot-hole, Oh well bye [Barliman disappears]

Legolas: UmÖ. yeah.

[All walk into Moria]



Scene 5:

Gandalf: You shall not pass!!!

Balrog: Make me

Gandalf: Make me make you

Balrog: Make me make you make meÖ

Gandalf: Make me make you make me make you

Balrog: Make me make you make me make you make me.

Gandalf: Make me make you make me make you make me make youÖ

Aragorn: Is it just me or is this getting boring.

Pippin: Are they going to do anything else?

Balrog: Make me make you make me make you make me make you make you make me make you make me make you make meÖ.

Legolas: No. [looking at himself in a mirror]

Boromir: Theyíre stupid heads.

Aragorn: Just shut up about stupid heads, thereís only one stupid here, and its you.

Gandalf: Make me make you make me make you make me make you make you make me make you make me make you make me make you make me make you make me make you make meÖ

Balrog: This is getting old [steps forward, bridge falls apart he falls]

Gandalf: Ha! [Walks off]

Sam: Wasnít the Balrog supposed to whip you down so you would fall?

Gandalf: I suppose soÖ [Runs off and jumps down into the pits]

Aragorn: Now that was stupidÖ

Merry: What should we do with the Dwarf?

Gimli: mmm! mhm!! Mmmm!! Mhhhhmm!!!!!

Legolas: I suppose it was for the best

[Gimli grabs his axe and crushes one of Legolasí mirrors]

Legolas: Damn! Now I only have 10! I started off with 15!

Gimli: Donít be a sissy!

Pippin: He can talk!!

Aragorn: Oh well.

Frodo: Is it just me, or is this really weird now?

Boromir: Its just you. Because youíre a Stupid head.

Sam: Shouldnít we be sad that we think Gandalf is dead, but is really going to kill the Balrog and become Gandalf the White?

[Everyone looks at him]

[Shuffling comes from Samís pack]

Aragorn: Whatís in your pack Sam?

Sam: Nothing

[Aragorn grabs Samís bag and opens it]

Aragorn: Itís Bill the pony!?! You took Bill with you

Sam: Iím sorry; I didnít want to leave him.

Frodo: Ooookaay.

Aragorn: Let him go, he knows the way home.

[Bill Flies off into the sky]

Pippin: umÖÖ.?

[They all walk towards Lothlorien]

Pippin: Where are we going?

Aragorn: None of your business

Pippin: Yes it is.

Aragorn: Well itís a secret.

Pippin: No it isnít, where are we going, Legolas?

Legolas: I donít know, Aragorn wont tell any of us.

Pippin: His ego?

Legolas: yep.

Next 5 Scenes

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